Our new "Normal"

It is hard to believe it is April already and that the girls have been here for almost a month and a half.  We are all still adjusting to our new "normal."  Having the girls here has created a new normal for us. Basically in a nutshell, mainly "more" of a lot of things, and "less" of a few things...More people in the house to care for, more directions to head, more responsibliity, more bananas to buy at the store, more clothes to wash, more mom and dad conversations, more meaning to our lives, more reasons to smile, more hugs, and more "I Love You's."  As far as the "less" goes, mainly it is in the sleep department.  It takes more effort to keep our house running now, and requires a sacrifice of sleep.  We go to bed an hour or 2 later now because it is the only quiet time Russie and I get at home once the kids are in their rooms, all the kids have to be in their rooms by 8:30 on school nights. The little kids fall to sleep to a movie, Gracie is allowed to read or watch TV until 9:00, and the older girls, get showers and read until 9:30-10:00. We get up an hour earlier to get everyone ready and fed for school as well. Overall, we have made the nessesary adjustments and are trying to adapt to them as best as we can. 

In my last blog, I mentioned that Vika had a great morning getting ready for school and that there were no tears shed, well I was giving it a few days to see if this was going to be "normal" or if that morning had just been a fluke and would return to tears the next day.  Well two weeks later, there has not been another tear or another ounce of resistance as far as school goes.  Last week they started going all day, every day and are adjusting very well.  They have gotten into their routine in the morning and set their alarm and get up on their own and get ready every morning.  Anslee has a school van that picks her up at our house every mroning at 7:05.  She gets up at 6:00 and is ready by 6:50 and then comes up stairs and wakes the little kids up.  She says she likes waking them up in the morning, and I think they respond a little better to her tickles, than they do to my voice in the morning, so it works out.  The van then drops her off at our house at 3:05.  There are 3 other kids that ride in the van with her, one boy is in her class at school, so she said she talks to him. I am breathing a bit easier now, because it seems like the school thing is working out and is becoming routine for all of us now.  Although, we have gotten over that hurdle, there are still other issues we are sorting through.  Amazingly enough, Anslee has been almost too easy for us and we have not had any real problems with her yet.  She has been a huge asset to our family and has adapted so well.  Vika has had a harder time.  We knew her lack of self confidence would keep coming back and it does from time to time.  She has already made serious ground since she has been here and we know she will continue to do that.  One major issue that is attached to self confidence issues is trying new things and gaining confidence in her surroundings.  If Russie or I are with her, there is never a problem, and she will try whatever we are doing, but if it is something she has to do without us, she gets scared and uncomfortable.  We understand this and are trying to learn how to handle it.  We have learned that she has no idea of what being a part of a family is.  We are trying to teach her as we go.  In the orphanage, she was picked on a lot and had to stick up for herself.  Anslee told us yesterday, that Vika always would stand up to the other kids and the teachers, reguardless of how much bigger they were than her.  She has learned that in order to survive, she had to be a little fiesty and depend on herself to get by. We admire the fight in her, but we are trying to refine that in a positive way. We are trying to teach her in certian situations how to cope and deal with things differently.  We had a hard moment the other night where she got fiesty with me and would not back down and would not listen.  I knew that I had to be firm with her, and not let her get away with acting that way.  I had to give her consequences and take a few things away from her for a few days. I realized that there are not too many things I could take away.  She has no cell phone, no ipod, no TV in her room, and she does not really want to go anywhere. So, although I didn't want to, I had to tell her she couldnt go to dance class last night.  I felt bad taking it away, because she enjoys it and is good at it, but I was hoping it would teach her.  After we got home from dance, Vika was in her room.  Grace was in there with her. Grace told us a few things Vika had said to her that were not very nice things.  Grace did not seem upset or worried by the things Vika was saying, but she was wanting to know how she could help us with her.  As a parent, it was one of my proudest moments.  Grace relayed the things she had told Vika to us.  She told her that being part of a family is not always easy, but a family lasts forever and a family always loves each other.  She told her that when one of them does not listen to Mama or Papa they have to get punsished and take things away because they want us to be good kids, she said that she told her about a few times she got things taken away from her.  I was overwhelmed with emotion when I heard my 8 year old say these words to me.  Gracie said to me, Mom, I know Vika didn't mean the things she said to me, she just doesnt know what a family is yet, I am going to try to help her understand.  I have never been so proud of Grace than I was in that moment.  She could have easily got mad, walked away or joined in with Vika saying negative things, but she didnt. Russie and I were talking about how to approach the situation when we hear a knock at our door, it was Vika.  She was sobbing and the only words she could get out was, I am so sorry Mama.  For 20 minutes she cried and cried and could not even talk.  We consoled her and explained to her why we had to punish her and how we need her to act, and that we are here for her to take care of her.  She went and apoligized to Grace and told her goodnight.  We know that this all had to happen for her to grow and learn how to deal with the emotions she has brought with her, that have been left untreated for many years.  I realized last night, that in the moment of me doubting myself and trying to figure out what we were going to do and if I was even equipped enough to do it, that God was already taking care of it.  I said to Russie, I am not sure I am cut out for this, but moments later she was in there and ground was won.  I realized that it is okay that I am not always going to know what to do or say or be good enough, but God WILL equip me for what I need to do, and he will take care of the rest.  Last night, he took care of the rest through Gracie and Anslee.  First, my little Gracie talked to her, and then Anslee was able to get through to her as well.  It was the first time since the girls got here that I saw us function as a family to resolve something together.  I know that these are growing pains and are essential for all of us to grow and adapt.  God is so faithful to us and has made his self so present in our household.  We are looking foward to everything he has in store for our family, and we are enjoying the journey, even on the hard days.