We traveled to Pittsburgh yesterday to get our fingerprints done. Our next step now, is being assigned an officer to review our home study we sent with our application, and then receive our immigration approval letter. We are praying our application falls in the right hands. It seems that your processing time depends a lot on who gets assigned to your case. It is so easy in this process to get anxious and expectant of how things should go. We sometimes see it in black and white. Here are the kids that need adopted, here are the families that want to adopt them and the rest is history ! In this process, there are so many gray areas. Areas that we are not prepared for, areas we don't understand and unfortunately areas we cannot have any control over. Why is it that is the last area I mentioned that may be the hardest one for us to deal with? We like to be in control and have all the answers at our fingertips. When we feel like someone else is in control, we start to get anxious, nervous, upset, angry...etc. I am learning more and more each day of this process, that we are not in control of much. We are at other people's discretion, other people's timeline and other people's approval. You can handle that two different ways. The first option, is let it make you become anxious, nervous, upset and angry OR option number two; you can accept the fact that you are not in control, and never will be in control and rely on God's promise's that he will take care of us. When we take the control, we take God's power and authority in our lives and lessen it, not allowing HIM to take over and do things his way. We think so many times our way is the best and only way, we are very wrong, that was a hard lesson for me to learn. I know I have shared this many times, but I will continue to share it so I never forget it. When I became pregnant with Madie, my youngest, I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 month old. Having said that, you can imagine my reaction when I found out, "Surprise, you are pregnant again !" My 6 month old ( Laynie ) had been a colicky baby and was still not sleeping through the night. I would get her to sleep at 8:00 am. and she would sleep until 12:00 pm, but the only problem was my 2 and 3 year old got up about 8:30-9:00, leaving me with 1 solid hour of sleep on a good day. Russie was extremely busy with new fawns, feeding them 4 times a day, so he was exhausted with that as well. It was some of the hardest, most demanding months I had to go through, and now, to my surprise, I am pregnant ! In my mind, I could not comprehend how I could even begin to add another baby to the mix. I knew that I could not go from one colicky baby, right into another one. Needless to say, I cried for 5 months !!!! God then shook me and made me realize I would be okay because he was going to help me. The moment Madie was born and I saw her, I knew that God was so much bigger, so much better and so much in control of my life. He saw what I couldn't see. He saw a beautiful little girl that would give my life so much JOY !
How could I have doubted God, when that is what he had for me? Having Madie truly changed my life, it was to that point in my life, the greatest life lesson I had ever learned. I sit here now, and once again affirm the fact that God's plan is bigger, and better than mine. I did think that we were done having kids, but obviously, that is not what God saw. Earlier this year, I read a book about a family with a lot of kids. I was so challenged by it because the mother said that she let God control and decide how many kids he wanted their family to be blessed with. I realized that I had taken control of that area of my life, and had shut the door. I never heard God say to me, shut the door, you are not to have any more kids, I shut the door. I had to come to the point where I had to relinquish my control of that very important part of my life, and tell God he could have it and do with it what he wanted. That was very hard and scary for me to do. Russie was excited when I told him that I was giving God control, because he had always wanted more kids, but knew I didn't. Honestly, I was thinking that if God wanted more kids in our family that it would mean me getting pregnant again, and although I knew that would be hard, because I always have hard pregnancies, I thought, "Ok God, it that is what you want, I am fine with it" Now realize, I had cried for 5 months straight when I had been pregnant the last time, and now I was feeling I would be okay with it, truly only God can do that ! So, I shared all that to share where I am at now. I opened up and gave God control and now I am adopting 2 beautiful girls, who have so much to give and show our family. I know if I would not have given God control, we would not be sitting in this same place, that had to happen. I am trusting that God knows better, just like he did with Madie. I had said that in this process, it is easy to get ahead of yourself and just see the end result and not the details of the process. There are so many unknowns and wrenches that are being thrown in the process, but we cannot forget that we are not in control of this situation and never will be. I once again, have to give it up, and trust that God will work it all out. He has not brought all these families to a place of uncertainty and does not want us to be anxious and nervous and get upset when the process does not go like we think it should go. He wants us to rely on him and let him work it out in his way, in his timing. I am obviously referring to our circumstance right now, but there are areas of our lives, where everyone can do this. What area of your life are you afraid to lose the control over? It is a hard step to take, because we cannot see the next piece of the puzzle, only God can. Be warned though, when you do give God the control, watch out, his plans are so much bigger than ours and he can put you into something you never would have thought possible, I can vouch for that !!! Use my moment of insecurity that I shared about with Madie, as an encouragement that God will never give you more than you can handle, he will teach you how to grow and equip you to carry out his plan. For those of us who are going through the adoption process, let us not forget, that it is a process. Just like it takes us nine months to grow and prepare for a pregnancy, it takes time and preparation for this process as well, and even if you have a hard and scary pregnancy, in the end you have a beautiful blessing, who was worth every bit of effort, and very well worth the wait. Our efforts and wait through this hard process are all going to be worth it. Please continue to keep all the families in your prayers, as it is only through prayers and God's control, that any mountains can be moved to get all these kids home.
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