So, as I sit here this morning, in the midst of a rainy day, I am faced with the question, What is "More"? I have said previously that our family has been called to something "more" something "bigger." Yes, we understand that our life is going to have a lot "more" of many things; more kids, more laundry, more food to prepare, more homework to do, more clothes to buy, more money needed, more responsibility... etc.etc.etc. These are the "human" things our minds tend to think of in this situation, leading us to the conclusion that we are crazy and may have a screw loose somewhere to be thinking about adding these things to your plate. But, that is where we are wrong, that is living our life in "the flesh." This is something that, at the beginning of this journey had me completely entangled. When we were called originally to adopt the little boy I previously shared about, these are all the things that smacked me in the face and told me that I was crazy for even considering it. When faced with situations, we automatically think about ourselves and how it will affect us, and most times, how it will negatively effect us. It was not until I was told that he probably was not adoptable, that I cried out to God and he quickly responded with," living in your flesh as compared to living in his spirit." It was then, that it started to make sense, that all the "fleshly" things I was worried about and that were holding me back, were not important to him, that he could take care of all those things, very easily. I knew then, that I needed to live in his spirit and follow his lead, even though my emotions and desires were wanting to take the lead. So, now I am asked again, what is "more"? If I would have focused on the things I previously listed as "more" I would have missed these key things; more Love, more reasons to get up each day, more smiles, more joy, more help, more ways for God to show me his grace and abundance, and how can I not mention, more meaning to my life. How many times do we focus on the negative side of the situation, allowing us to forget about the good things that God has for us. Every time, I start to think about these "fleshly" fears I have, I am quickly reminded of all the reasons why God wants me to do this. When he looks at these children, he never sees the money signs, he never sees all the added work, he sees their hearts and how they deserve Love and happiness just like everyone else. At one point, Russie asked me, "Why do you think there is all these kids without families, and all these people suffering, How can God allow this to happen?" I thought about it for some time, and I soon realized that, yes, God has the power to step in and make the hungry, have food, he has the power to change the situation of an orphaned child, so why doesn't he? It is because, as our Heavenly father, he want us, his children, to figure it out ourselves and do something about it. Russie, has often referred to the saying, "give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime." The same is true with us, God could give everyone everything they need, but he doesn't, just like we don't give our children everything they need, when they need it, we want them to figure out and learn for themselves. In turn, as parents, we are so proud of our children when they figure out the important things in life. Yesterday, we received another letter from the girls, through our friendly neighborhood mailman, Curtis, and I was once again taken back by their words. Their words are why I am even having all these thoughts today. I am so taken back by the fact that God has truly intervened and raised these girls when there has been nobody to do it. How can a girl, 13 years old, be so spiritually mature and know the most important lessons in life, when she has had no stable person in her life to show her or teach her? It continues to baffle me...here are a few sentences from her letter.
From Nastya...
"I really love you. It’s so hard when you are not near. I know that I must endure this time, and all will be fine. When I am sad, I read my Bible for long periods of time. I learn the Word of God, and pray. It calms me.
I want to tell you what I do. I love to dance. I dance here with lessons at the orphanage. Dancing improves my mood. I dance well. As you may already know, I love to sing. When I am happy, I love to sing happy songs. In the orphanage here I don’t want to sing, because I rarely have a good mood to sing here. When I was with you I always sung songs, because I was happy that I can officially become a part of your family. I always sang Christian songs because I always love to praise God. I still don’t know what I want to do as a profession when I grow up, as I really haven’t thought of it. I think the most important thing is to study, and to trust in God. Time will tell. I know that God will see everything come together. I know, if I try then everything will turn out. If I don’t try, then things will be bad. Because of that, I want to help you do everything so that you will never be disappointed in me. "
I am so humbled and so encouraged by her words. I am blessed to have her as my oldest child, so she can teach and show her younger siblings what is important. I know God has raised her up and protected her for a very specific purpose, and as her mother, I am so proud she has learned what is the most important way to live, at such a young age. May we all explore and learn how we can live more, love more, and simply be "more" in this life.
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