It has been a month since I have given an update, so I thought it was time. Our summer has been fun filled and is flying by so quickly !!! The kids have been enjoying swimming, the park, time with friends, summer camp and bible school. Anslee and Vika attended their first summer camp in America 2 weeks ago. They traveled to Greene Hills to attend a teen camp with the Salt and Light ministry team. They absolutely LOVED it and cannot wait to see all the friends they made there again. They had story after story to share with us. This is the same summer camp Russie and I both attended in high school, so it was neat for us, that they got to travel down a similar path that we once had. The kids have all been a big help with the fawns this year and have all been pitching in to make this big family work. We are looking forward to more summer camps and bible school for the kids in July. In August, Anslee ( and maybe Vika ) is going to be traveling with my Mom, and a mission team, to SC to do various mission projects there. We are hoping to get away as a family for a few days in August before school starts, but are still waiting to see if that can happen. My title is entitled, "what we do for the ones we love," so here is a story to explain that...
So today I officially conquered my fear. Of all the fears out there, mine was scuba diving. I don't like to go under water at all, so obviously this would make sense why I was scared. I don't even go swimming hardly ever, so this was so far out of my comfort zone. Last year we cruised to Honduras and went scuba diving there and it was really beautiful and Russie decided after that, he wanted to get certified. I was not as excited about the idea as he was, but after some convincing and a few pouty faces, I agreed. When we went in Honduras, we had an instruction course and a dive master who basically did everything for us. We were in warm, crystal clear water and could see forever, not the case here in PA doing the certification dives. Last June, we started the course, did a written test, and a pool dive. A year later, they called us and said we needed to finish our last 2 dives to get our cards. So two weeks ago, we show up at the blue holes in Williamsburg, and they say, "ok, lets go" My anxiety starts to build as I totally forgot most of the important things I should have known in order to dive. I stride through my initial fears, and go get my wet suit and start to gear up. Anyone who has ever done this, knows how just getting into a wet suit is a small victory. By the time I finally squeeze in it and get the rest of my gear on, I am now sweating, mostly because it is a hot day and the wet suit is hot, but also because I realize it is time to jump in, and I am not ready. They tell us it is really cold and the visibility is about 5-10 feet. I jump in with my group and that is when the panic begins..."I can't breathe, my goggles are fogged up, what if I get to the bottom and panic, I forget all the skills and hand signals that I need to know....all these and many more thoughts invade my mind. I feel my chest tightening and the breaths become short and labored. The instructor is telling us what we have to do when we get down to 28 feet, and my anxiety is so high, that I can't even remember the little I did know 20 minutes before. The others started to descend and I followed...but it was only for about 10 feet and then as fast as I could, I headed for the top. I swam to the shore and the nice men helping, pulled me out and could see the fear in my eyes. They helped me up the hill and sat me down. I had heard people describe a panic attack and what it felt like, but had never had one, until that moment...I sat there, struggling to catch my breath. After about 15 minutes, I was calmed down and took off my gear and told myself that I would never do that again. I knew that I had a slight fear of going underwater and not being able to breathe, but it was not until that moment that I realized how deep my fear really was. When I was a teenager, I was trapped under a flipped over, sinking canoe, and could not get out from under the canoe because it was on the bottom and I was trapped in it. My friend saw my hand from under the canoe, and was able to get it off of me. I remember the feeling of thinking I was going to run out of air, and it all came flooding back that day. After Russie got done with his dive that day, I could tell he was disappointed that I could not do it. He had all these exciting and new places for us to travel to and experience together, and he realized if I didn't pass, it would not be like he had planned. Despite my fear, I told him I would try it one more time for him. So the next day, we go back and meet our group for the 2nd dive. The anxiety was still there, but I needed to prove to him that I wasn't going to quit. I get in, and realize it is still way too uncomfortable for me and that there is no way I can do what the teacher is telling us we have to do. One of the guys there, offered to take me by myself and go down with me, and get me comfortable. I did go down with him and it did help and make me realize if I wanted to, that I could probably do it. They sent me home with a tank to practice with it in Loris pool, so the next day, Russie and I were down there practicing. Yesterday, I went back to the Blue holes for another chance at the dive. I was nervous, but had an assurance that I could do it if I tried. I went down and did everything I needed to do and it felt good. Probably better than my own feeling of accomplishment, was the smile on Russie's face when I gave him the thumbs up that I had done it. He knew I tried it again and conquered my fear for him. I went back today and did my second dive, and am now officially certified. To most of you, this probably doesn't sound like a hard thing to do, and to most it is not hard, but for me, it was hard. I had to convince the part of my brain that told me I could do it, to override the big part of my brain that said I couldn't do it. I share this story because I think it can relate to a lot of other situations in life. How many times do we let the "bad" part of our brain override the "good." We let the devil convince us that we cannot do things and forget about the verse in Phillipians that says, " I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" It doesn't say, I can do most things, it says ALL things... including scuba diving. There was actually one point during my dive today that I quoted that scripture. I was so nervous about taking my mask off under water and putting it back on and clearing all the water from it. As I started to do it, the water went up my nose and I started to feel panicked, but I calmed myself and said that scripture and was able to do it. God gives us his unwavering strength to get through all the hard situations in life, and it is up to us to accept his strength or deny it....the choice is ours.
So today I officially conquered my fear. Of all the fears out there, mine was scuba diving. I don't like to go under water at all, so obviously this would make sense why I was scared. I don't even go swimming hardly ever, so this was so far out of my comfort zone. Last year we cruised to Honduras and went scuba diving there and it was really beautiful and Russie decided after that, he wanted to get certified. I was not as excited about the idea as he was, but after some convincing and a few pouty faces, I agreed. When we went in Honduras, we had an instruction course and a dive master who basically did everything for us. We were in warm, crystal clear water and could see forever, not the case here in PA doing the certification dives. Last June, we started the course, did a written test, and a pool dive. A year later, they called us and said we needed to finish our last 2 dives to get our cards. So two weeks ago, we show up at the blue holes in Williamsburg, and they say, "ok, lets go" My anxiety starts to build as I totally forgot most of the important things I should have known in order to dive. I stride through my initial fears, and go get my wet suit and start to gear up. Anyone who has ever done this, knows how just getting into a wet suit is a small victory. By the time I finally squeeze in it and get the rest of my gear on, I am now sweating, mostly because it is a hot day and the wet suit is hot, but also because I realize it is time to jump in, and I am not ready. They tell us it is really cold and the visibility is about 5-10 feet. I jump in with my group and that is when the panic begins..."I can't breathe, my goggles are fogged up, what if I get to the bottom and panic, I forget all the skills and hand signals that I need to know....all these and many more thoughts invade my mind. I feel my chest tightening and the breaths become short and labored. The instructor is telling us what we have to do when we get down to 28 feet, and my anxiety is so high, that I can't even remember the little I did know 20 minutes before. The others started to descend and I followed...but it was only for about 10 feet and then as fast as I could, I headed for the top. I swam to the shore and the nice men helping, pulled me out and could see the fear in my eyes. They helped me up the hill and sat me down. I had heard people describe a panic attack and what it felt like, but had never had one, until that moment...I sat there, struggling to catch my breath. After about 15 minutes, I was calmed down and took off my gear and told myself that I would never do that again. I knew that I had a slight fear of going underwater and not being able to breathe, but it was not until that moment that I realized how deep my fear really was. When I was a teenager, I was trapped under a flipped over, sinking canoe, and could not get out from under the canoe because it was on the bottom and I was trapped in it. My friend saw my hand from under the canoe, and was able to get it off of me. I remember the feeling of thinking I was going to run out of air, and it all came flooding back that day. After Russie got done with his dive that day, I could tell he was disappointed that I could not do it. He had all these exciting and new places for us to travel to and experience together, and he realized if I didn't pass, it would not be like he had planned. Despite my fear, I told him I would try it one more time for him. So the next day, we go back and meet our group for the 2nd dive. The anxiety was still there, but I needed to prove to him that I wasn't going to quit. I get in, and realize it is still way too uncomfortable for me and that there is no way I can do what the teacher is telling us we have to do. One of the guys there, offered to take me by myself and go down with me, and get me comfortable. I did go down with him and it did help and make me realize if I wanted to, that I could probably do it. They sent me home with a tank to practice with it in Loris pool, so the next day, Russie and I were down there practicing. Yesterday, I went back to the Blue holes for another chance at the dive. I was nervous, but had an assurance that I could do it if I tried. I went down and did everything I needed to do and it felt good. Probably better than my own feeling of accomplishment, was the smile on Russie's face when I gave him the thumbs up that I had done it. He knew I tried it again and conquered my fear for him. I went back today and did my second dive, and am now officially certified. To most of you, this probably doesn't sound like a hard thing to do, and to most it is not hard, but for me, it was hard. I had to convince the part of my brain that told me I could do it, to override the big part of my brain that said I couldn't do it. I share this story because I think it can relate to a lot of other situations in life. How many times do we let the "bad" part of our brain override the "good." We let the devil convince us that we cannot do things and forget about the verse in Phillipians that says, " I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" It doesn't say, I can do most things, it says ALL things... including scuba diving. There was actually one point during my dive today that I quoted that scripture. I was so nervous about taking my mask off under water and putting it back on and clearing all the water from it. As I started to do it, the water went up my nose and I started to feel panicked, but I calmed myself and said that scripture and was able to do it. God gives us his unwavering strength to get through all the hard situations in life, and it is up to us to accept his strength or deny it....the choice is ours.
No comments:
Post a Comment